4 Powerful Communication Tips

From A 12 Year Old

In my house, respect isn’t about hierarchy—it’s about mutual respect. Everyone’s feelings and needs matter, including my daughter’s. So when my 12 year old texted me to tell me she was frustrated with me, I didn’t see it as disrespectful. I saw it for what it was: one human letting another human know how their actions impacted them.

And honestly? I was so proud of her. Because in that moment, she wasn’t just expressing frustration—she was using the kind of emotional intelligence skills that she’s worked hard to learn. Intentional parenting has changed my life and I’ve seen such an impact on how she communicates with me and others.

But let’s really break her message down and talk about 4 of the powerful communication skills I’ve modeled and taught over the years:

1. Stating Clear Observations (Not Judgments)

Her message was clear: “You said ____, now I have to _____.” There were no exaggerations or assumptions—just the facts. By sticking to the reality of what happened, she kept the conversation focused on the impact rather than getting sidetracked by interpretations or intentions.

This approach allowed us to address the situation directly, without falling into a pattern of defensiveness or blame. It helped me understand how her experience was shaped by what was said and did, making it easier to find a resolution.

As parents, we can use this technique with our kids by modeling how to express what actually happened instead of focusing on what we think they meant or intended. For example, saying things like, “You don’t listen to me!” or “You don’t care about what Mommy has to say,” start using observational language “When you interrupted, I lost my train of thought.” This way, we keep the conversation centered on the action and its impact, making it easier to address the issue calmly and productively.